I’ve had a busy week. My highlight is getting recognised on the street because I made a fool of myself last Saturday. Let’s get it all behind us and move on with some of these eh…?
Justin Moorhouse: Northern Joker
Friday 18th & Saturday 19th January
I saw the pictures of Justin Moorhouse dressed up like the Cesar Romero version of the Joker and I pretty much shit myself. He managed to look not only sinister as shit but also pretty frightening – someone you’d have to pull the Krav Maga out on if you saw them in Satan’s on a Tuesday night. He’s probably not as bad as he looks though – I’m sure Justin is a lovely bloke who enjoys a KitKat and a bottle of Prosecco on a Saturday morning like the rest of us. Catch him doing his ‘thing’ this weekend down at The Lowry – I guarantee at least one chuckle.
Moscow City Ballet – Swan Lake
Friday 18th & Saturday 19th January
From my personal experience there are only a few things that Russians absolutely love. One is the concept of them wrestling a bear in the snowy woods with their bare hands until the bear is subdued, placid and ready to perform circus tricks for children. Another is ballet. They bloody love it and for fair reason too – they are surprisingly good at it – as this production of Swan Lake is sure to prove in spectacular fashion. Expect long legs, bloody toes and a great show about a couple of swans or something.
Winter Beer Fest 2019
Friday 18th – Sunday 20th January
The first of a run of beer events this week – this Winter Beer Festival by the GRUB lot should manage to put a spring in your step and get your week off to a good start. There’s the promise of LOADS of breweries, so many in fact that I can’t even be arsed listing them, or even giving you a few little tidbits. All you need to know is that it’s going to feature all of your favourites – all the big hitters. There will also be a few DJs on too – playing iTunes playlists and touching their headphones at intermittent intervals.
Enter The Dragon
Friday 18th January
No, I’ve never seen Bruce Lee fight Chuck Norris in Enter The Dragon. I’ve seen him fight Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon. Well, even though he doesn’t fight Chuck Norris in this one – it’s still a brilliant film. Basically Bruce dons a yellow jumpsuit and fights his way up a massive pagoda, fighting one kung-fu bloke on every level. Once he gets to the top he has to fight long streak of piss Kareem Abdul Jabbar, who’s actually a basketball player and can’t kick for shit. Oh no, that’s Game of Death. This is the one with the mirrors and the guy with claws.
The Big Pizza Give-Away @ Beatnikz Republic
Friday 18th January
Is there anything better than pizza? Yeah course there is – FREE pizza of course! This Friday Beatnikz have teamed up with Bravissimi to bring the people of Manchester 100 free slices of the good stuff – what more could you want? Starting from 5pm, they’ll be bashing out slices on a first come, first served basis and all you need to do is walk up those steps, buy a nice frosty cold beer and tuck into some cheesy goodness.
Angels – A celebration of Charli XCX
Saturday 19th January
Okay so I’m not entirely sure why everyone is going Charli XCX crazy down at HOME this weekend but I suppose I’m probably just too old, too ignorant and too stupid to fully understand it all. If you don’t know who Charli XCX is then where have you been!? She’s obviously that singer who has been on Key 103 over 4 times, she went to the Brits once and there was that time when she opened the door for Cher in the canteen at EMI Records. Seriously though, they are going Charli XCX mad. Like, mad.
The Whisky Festival @ Whiskey Jar
Sunday 24th January
If you’re a big fan of that whiskey stuff then you are in for a lovely treat this Sunday as The Whiskey Jar host one of their world famous Whiskey Festivals, complete with over 450 different types of the stuff, as well as talks and seminars from a host of professionals in the ‘biz. There’ll also be plenty of food, live music, a little whiskey shop and pretty much everything else a whiskey fan could want. It starts at 2pm and will go on until 11pm. Hardcore.
The Streets
Thursday 24th January
Mike Skinner has dusted off his Helly Hansen, given his microphone a PAT test and decided that he actually CAN sing and so he’s heading to the Apollo this week to impress a load of bloodthirsty fans. The other ‘Streets’ will be there too including Bobby ‘Three Face’ Twang, Harriet the Snitch and Kevin Von Crang, all singing songs about council estates, bus journeys, soggy Digestives and getting mugged in an underpass while someone pisses in your handbag. It should be a gooden!
Manchester Beer & Cider Festival
Starts Thursday 24th January
Beer? Cider? That enough for you? Yes, I thought so. There’s not much else to say then really – everything is right there in front of your little face. A bunch of bearded blokes will be lugging kegs of both ale and cider (and probably perry) down to the GMEX so the least you can do is go on down yourself to have a chat with them and drink some of their hard work. Have a pie with them too. Or some Quavers if they have ’em.
The Garmhaus x Depop
Thursday 24th January
Are you looking for a new oversized Reebok sweater? Fancy grabbing a pair of jeans that make you look like a fat mum? Well, you’re in luck because this week sees The Garmhaus head on over to 256 in Fallowfield for what can effectively be described as an extravagant jumble sale featuring all the clothes you could ever desire. Alongside the clobber will be a line-up of DJ’s that would rival even the biggest Ibiza party, so you can dance and do the Bop while trying on this season’s must-have leather jacket.
